xd I used to roll with the kings when I dated my goat killing girlfriend.
HI, I'm Velma and I'm an alcoholic. Actually, I like to refer to myself as an "equal opportunity addict" as I succumb myself to a number of substances, not just alcohol. Last year at this time I was a major cokehead, I was putting like 5.5 grams of drugs into my face every weekend. As of the last 2 years, I've slowly worked myself out of the addictive lifestyle but that comes with some struggles. I also have an underlying eating disorder that was often treated by smoking cigarettes because I couldn't eat. Now I've gained some weight and at 27 years old I don't know how to eat healthy or manage my weight. My relationship with my parents is shit. Since I moved out of my house at 19, I've never hung out with my parents without someone else around. My parents don't like me to the point where they don't even tell their friends they have a daughter. They only tell their friends about my brother. Growing up, both of my parents sexually abused me so I grew some serious resentment towards both of them which because a huge problem when I turned into a teen and started beating both of them up. My mother was also very physically abusive as well. I remember when I was 12 my best friend committed suicide and I was so shocked I couldn't talk, I could only cry. I remember my mom found me and dragged me into the bathroom where she found blood where I had cut myself and she round house kicked me in the hip and I couldn't stand up so she kicked me in the face. I now have TMJ and permanent nerve damage. Anyways, they took me to therapy but denied any and all sexual abuse. This did not end up helping out at all and just made everything worse. Now they don't really understand why I don't like hanging out with them. To make matters worse, my older brother is a musical savant with a speech impediment and learning disability that they also abused. He ended up with some serious anger problems and would beat me up on a regular basis after my parents would yell at him. Thanks to him, I had 8 concussions. He never went to therapy because he never tried to kill himself like I did so now he's just a full blown sociopath with no career despite his incredible musical ability. Four years ago I bought the love of my life a house. He decided 2 years ago that he couldn't handle the commitment and moved out without telling me, leaving me financially destitute. A month later I attempted suicide with Tylenol and was found 4 days later by a friend after I missed D&D night. I was brought to the ICU and told by 7 doctors I was going to die. I wasn't allowed to turn myself because my blood was clotting so bad I could have gotten an aneurysm. I ended up with cerebral edema and some of my heart died. I was in the ICU for 3 days and the hospital for the entire week. My ex did not visit me. I still wake in up in the middle of the night and remember staring at the empty chair next to my bed in the ICU and realizing that I might just die in the next day and he wasn't coming to say goodbye. I just got back with him in January. Last year my PTSD got even worse after I accidentally killed a patient after being yelled at by 6 people to intervene on something I had no business doing. I still see his face every day. Now I just do things with my life without any clear motive as I resolve to just sit around and wait to die. I really just don't care about anything anymore. I always feel like whatever good is happening to my life is going to be taken away so why bother? I briefly dated a guy before I got back with my ex and he raped me. I didn't tell my ex (or anyone) about it until two weeks ago and I got so angry I punched a wall and now there is a hole. Now my house looks like a meth house. Now my sex life has been ruined by an old man with erectile dysfunction. Now I have to go leave for 2 weeks and be everyone's dad without having a mental breakdown. bye.