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IroncladFerret

What's your struggle?

34 posts in this topic

On 6/8/2019 at 6:12 PM, Twisted said:

My biggest struggle is leaving behind my old life of partying, getting into trouble and being in a negative friendship. I have always been into computer games, but on my outside life I had a problem with partying and doing drugs like coke and molly. It was fun but it was ruining my life as my parents started to always get mad at me for always being hung over and/or sick from doing too much drugs the night before and obviously they didn't know I was doing drugs because ya who tells their parents they do drugs every time they party. I just happened to meet the wrong people who always wanted to get turnt and do dumb shit. I guess
I was a follower but I haven't been into that lifestyle a little after I turned 18 and got into a little bit of trouble due to drinking and fighting. I got charged with assault after punching someone that my so called friend started a fight with and got beat up in the process. It was a struggle getting away from those friends as I was already settled into being a party goer and recreational drug user but I knew what had to be done and I cut them all off. I have beer every now and then but now I do it alone as I need to find some new friends to do things with that don't involve excessive drinking and partying. Everyone has struggles but over coming those struggles is what makes us human.

Lmao twisted. Sounds juss like my story. But i hung around the Kings which is a gang. 

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51 minutes ago, DemNoodlez said:

Lmao twisted. Sounds juss like my story. But i hung around the Kings which is a gang. 

xd I used to roll with the kings when I dated my goat killing girlfriend.

HI, I'm Velma and I'm an alcoholic. Actually, I like to refer to myself as an "equal opportunity addict" as I succumb myself to a number of substances, not just alcohol. Last year at this time I was a major cokehead, I was putting like 5.5 grams of drugs into my face every weekend. As of the last 2 years, I've slowly worked myself out of the addictive lifestyle but that comes with some struggles. I also have an underlying eating disorder that was often treated by smoking cigarettes because I couldn't eat. Now I've gained some weight and at 27 years old I don't know how to eat healthy or manage my weight. My relationship with my parents is shit. Since I moved out of my house at 19, I've never hung out with my parents without someone else around. My parents don't like me to the point where they don't even tell their friends they have a daughter. They only tell their friends about my brother. Growing up, both of my parents sexually abused me so I grew some serious resentment towards both of them which because a huge problem when I turned into a teen and started beating both of them up.  My mother was also very physically abusive as well. I remember when I was 12 my best friend committed suicide and I was so shocked I couldn't talk, I could only cry. I remember my mom found me and dragged me into the bathroom where she found blood where I had cut myself and she round house kicked me in the hip and I couldn't stand up so she kicked me in the face. I now have TMJ and permanent nerve damage. Anyways, they took me to therapy but denied any and all sexual abuse. This did not end up helping out at all and just made everything worse. Now they don't really understand why I don't like hanging out with them. To make matters worse, my older brother is a musical savant with a speech impediment and learning disability that they also abused. He ended up with some serious anger problems and would beat me up on a regular basis after my parents would yell at him. Thanks to him, I had 8 concussions. He never went to therapy because he never tried to kill himself like I did so now he's just a full blown sociopath with no career despite his incredible musical ability.  Four years ago I bought the love of my life a house. He decided 2 years ago that he couldn't handle the commitment and moved out without telling me, leaving me financially destitute. A month later I attempted suicide with Tylenol and was found 4 days later by a friend after I missed D&D night. I was brought to the ICU and told by 7 doctors I was going to die. I wasn't allowed to turn myself because my blood was clotting so bad I could have gotten an aneurysm. I ended up with cerebral edema and some of my heart died. I was in the ICU for 3 days and the hospital for the entire week. My ex did not visit me. I still wake in up in the middle of the night and remember staring at the empty chair next to my bed in the ICU and realizing that I might just die in the next day and he wasn't coming to say goodbye. I just got back with him in January. Last year my PTSD got even worse after I accidentally killed a patient after being yelled at by 6 people to intervene on something I had no business doing. I still see his face every day. Now I just do things with my life without any clear motive as I resolve to just sit around and wait to die. I really just don't care about anything anymore. I always feel like whatever good is happening to my life is going to be taken away so why bother? I briefly dated a guy before I got back with my ex and he raped me. I didn't tell my ex (or anyone) about it until two weeks ago and I got so angry I punched a wall and now there is a hole. Now my house looks like a meth house. Now my sex life has been ruined by an old man with erectile dysfunction. Now I have to go leave for 2 weeks and be everyone's dad without having a mental breakdown. bye.

Edited by Velmeezy

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21 hours ago, Velmeezy said:

xd I used to roll with the kings when I dated my goat killing girlfriend.

HI, I'm Velma and I'm an alcoholic. Actually, I like to refer to myself as an "equal opportunity addict" as I succumb myself to a number of substances, not just alcohol. Last year at this time I was a major cokehead, I was putting like 5.5 grams of drugs into my face every weekend. As of the last 2 years, I've slowly worked myself out of the addictive lifestyle but that comes with some struggles. I also have an underlying eating disorder that was often treated by smoking cigarettes because I couldn't eat. Now I've gained some weight and at 27 years old I don't know how to eat healthy or manage my weight. My relationship with my parents is shit. Since I moved out of my house at 19, I've never hung out with my parents without someone else around. My parents don't like me to the point where they don't even tell their friends they have a daughter. They only tell their friends about my brother. Growing up, both of my parents sexually abused me so I grew some serious resentment towards both of them which because a huge problem when I turned into a teen and started beating both of them up.  My mother was also very physically abusive as well. I remember when I was 12 my best friend committed suicide and I was so shocked I couldn't talk, I could only cry. I remember my mom found me and dragged me into the bathroom where she found blood where I had cut myself and she round house kicked me in the hip and I couldn't stand up so she kicked me in the face. I now have TMJ and permanent nerve damage. Anyways, they took me to therapy but denied any and all sexual abuse. This did not end up helping out at all and just made everything worse. Now they don't really understand why I don't like hanging out with them. To make matters worse, my older brother is a musical savant with a speech impediment and learning disability that they also abused. He ended up with some serious anger problems and would beat me up on a regular basis after my parents would yell at him. Thanks to him, I had 8 concussions. He never went to therapy because he never tried to kill himself like I did so now he's just a full blown sociopath with no career despite his incredible musical ability.  Four years ago I bought the love of my life a house. He decided 2 years ago that he couldn't handle the commitment and moved out without telling me, leaving me financially destitute. A month later I attempted suicide with Tylenol and was found 4 days later by a friend after I missed D&D night. I was brought to the ICU and told by 7 doctors I was going to die. I wasn't allowed to turn myself because my blood was clotting so bad I could have gotten an aneurysm. I ended up with cerebral edema and some of my heart died. I was in the ICU for 3 days and the hospital for the entire week. My ex did not visit me. I still wake in up in the middle of the night and remember staring at the empty chair next to my bed in the ICU and realizing that I might just die in the next day and he wasn't coming to say goodbye. I just got back with him in January. Last year my PTSD got even worse after I accidentally killed a patient after being yelled at by 6 people to intervene on something I had no business doing. I still see his face every day. Now I just do things with my life without any clear motive as I resolve to just sit around and wait to die. I really just don't care about anything anymore. I always feel like whatever good is happening to my life is going to be taken away so why bother? I briefly dated a guy before I got back with my ex and he raped me. I didn't tell my ex (or anyone) about it until two weeks ago and I got so angry I punched a wall and now there is a hole. Now my house looks like a meth house. Now my sex life has been ruined by an old man with erectile dysfunction. Now I have to go leave for 2 weeks and be everyone's dad without having a mental breakdown. bye.

Holy shit this is some serious shit. Obv we cant help as much as we want to but if you need someone to talk to. im always here and im sure a lot of others are too. If you need to vent or something like that just tell us. id be happy to help

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Not relapsing. Been clean for 3 years from a pretty bad heroin addiction. it's been a long time but the thought of going back is scary. 

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7 hours ago, jayz said:

Not relapsing. Been clean for 3 years from a pretty bad heroin addiction. it's been a long time but the thought of going back is scary. 

opiods are tough man, great job on staying sober..

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Life lmao

Hi my names Brenden and I am an alcoholic, narcotic abusing, suicidal depressed nihilistic mess of a human being and I'm not even 18 yet.

I grew up in deep ghettos, I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment with my mom because my dad was in a gang and died 2 months before I was born. My mom's an amazing human being who's been through so much in her life and she makes up for not raising me with wealth every single day. I smoked my first bowl when I was 10, I took my first shot when I was 11 and I've done every drug out there besides meth and heroin. I've done coke, PCP, drank, ecstasy, acid, oxy, xanax. I could list everything I've done but that would take too long and seem like i'm bragging. I shot someone in 9th grade to join a gang because I had nothing else in life, it was a drive by and I was forced to do it. He survived but I have PSTD from pulling the trigger and seeing this guy I've never even talked to fall over and his friend screaming. I was only 14 when that happened. I went to court for it but it was deemed justifiable second degree forced murder and I only spent half a year in an isolated state prison. I was forced at gunpoint to shoot a man. 

I've had 7 therapists, i'm incapable of opening up to people unless it's through something like this, an anonymous window. thats when i started taking pills, smoking and drinking everyday all day. I do this shit to cope with the fact i almost murdered someone and even though my record has been wiped and it wont stop me from college or anything in the future (because it was deemed justifiable forced, 2 years probation and it was wiped) it still sticks with me everyday. there's not much else to say other than i've tried so many times to get clean but i just cant longer than a few days. 

every therapist i've had has said because of all the trauma i've been through i'm incapable of crying. my brain reworked itself and because of my personal abuse and everything it just turns into anger, i just have emotional breakdowns and the feelings of sadness just turn to anger. it hurts, everytime i feel like crying i just start getting headaches and i just want to breakdown but all it turns into is self hatred and anger.

i realize reading this over it went from nicely written and proper to a mess of run on sentences and im sorry for anyone who bothers to read this

Don't message me saying we can talk or give me pity because im a lost cause and i accept that, i dont need pity, i only posted this so i dont relapse because im 13 days sober and i need to keep my mind busy or i'll try to od again.

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I appreciate everyone who replied, and I also thank those of you who offered kind words of support.

Just as an update, I went to the doc last week and my bloodwork came back normal for the most part...not ideal but nothing egregiously bad considering.

I regret not going to a physician just to get help in the beginning. I tried VLCD, Weight Watchers, Paleo  and Keto on my own, but every day felt like a battle and every meal was disappointing. Doc listened to my eating habits and recommended the OMAD (One Meal A Day) diet. I've got to say, after ages of struggling with Yo-Yo dieting, I think I've found the one.

With this format, I just stay hydrated through the day and then eat a roughly 2000 calorie meal in the evening with some vitamins - no special meds. Which basically means i can eat a reasonable portioned serving of almost anything I want. I've lost 15 pounds in a week, which is ridiculous. Though the doc noted that I would have some crazy early weight drop off due to water weight, and to only expect 1-2 lbs a week after that. But I've gotta say, this is pretty much the dream diet for me in that I don't feel like I'm fighting every day to maintain it.

I wake up in the morning and have a black tea, then i drink green tea and water throughout the day. By the time I am really hungry around 4-5, I just eat my meal. Do some homework, play some CSS, and hit the sack. Ezpz. 

Man after typing this out...it almost makes me want to laugh thinking back to how much effort I put into things like "BistroMD"...attempting to keep up eating like 5-6 times a day with these tasteless, tiny, baby-sized meals --- never really feeling satisfied.

Anyways tl;dr: I found a solid diet that I've been able to stick to, with the help of a doc I visited recently. So thanks all for the kind words of support.

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3 hours ago, IroncladFerret said:

I appreciate everyone who replied, and I also thank those of you who offered kind words of support.

Just as an update, I went to the doc last week and my bloodwork came back normal for the most part...not ideal but nothing egregiously bad considering.

I regret not going to a physician just to get help in the beginning. I tried VLCD, Weight Watchers, Paleo  and Keto on my own, but every day felt like a battle and every meal was disappointing. Doc listened to my eating habits and recommended the OMAD (One Meal A Day) diet. I've got to say, after ages of struggling with Yo-Yo dieting, I think I've found the one.

With this format, I just stay hydrated through the day and then eat a roughly 2000 calorie meal in the evening with some vitamins - no special meds. Which basically means i can eat a reasonable portioned serving of almost anything I want. I've lost 15 pounds in a week, which is ridiculous. Though the doc noted that I would have some crazy early weight drop off due to water weight, and to only expect 1-2 lbs a week after that. But I've gotta say, this is pretty much the dream diet for me in that I don't feel like I'm fighting every day to maintain it.

I wake up in the morning and have a black tea, then i drink green tea and water throughout the day. By the time I am really hungry around 4-5, I just eat my meal. Do some homework, play some CSS, and hit the sack. Ezpz. 

Man after typing this out...it almost makes me want to laugh thinking back to how much effort I put into things like "BistroMD"...attempting to keep up eating like 5-6 times a day with these tasteless, tiny, baby-sized meals --- never really feeling satisfied.

Anyways tl;dr: I found a solid diet that I've been able to stick to, with the help of a doc I visited recently. So thanks all for the kind words of support.

Good for you bro, keep up the work even if it gets hard. Its always worth it in the end

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